Despite, or maybe because, of my dad's disdain for religion, I took hold of my mother's beliefs very early on. Thanks to my mom's influence I was raised in Lutheran Church and went to the Church's elementary school from preschool onto sixth grade. In the fourth grade I recall sitting at my desk and for the first time comprehending Christ's sacrifice as a substitute for our sins and then asking for forgiveness for my sins.
Christianity and the church became a refuge to my father's irrational anger, constant criticisms, and belittling. Accepting a strict Christian doctrine was my way to rebel from him and find acceptance in something that I wasn't finding from my own father. As time went on and I entered junior high his anger and abuse increased and likewise my faith in God also increased to compensate.
I went to a private junior high that was extremely conservative; believing in a very literal interpretation of the bible and fundamentalist world view. We were frequently indoctrinated in class that the earth was 10,000 years old and that homosexuality was purely a choice. These lemmas were presented to us as crucial to accept otherwise the entire credibility of the Bible would collapse. It was an all or nothing dilemma presented to me; believe in everything in a literal interpretation or you might as well be an atheist.
This dilemma was especially disturbing to me because of the psychological need the church satisfied as a refuge to my father's abuse, but at the same time I knew facts and observations about the world that were not inline with my religious beliefs but nonetheless had to di facto accept. I was coming to release that my hope and concept of the universe was showing some severe cracks in it.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Personal History
I think it's necessary to establish, at least for myself, my personal history to give my current perspectives context, or at least be mindful that my past experiences will of course skew any notion of objectivity I have. But, at least I hope I can be aware of my biases; if I can't see real color through dark sunglasses then at least I'm mindful that I'm not seeing the real picture accurately.
My mom and her side of the family are staunch fundamentalist conservative Christians. Her father was a pastor and then later a professor at Biola college, her mother a school secretary for a Christian high school, her sister married a pastor, one of her 2 brothers is the organist for a mega church, and 3 out of 5 of her aunts and uncles (my great aunts and uncles on my mom's side) were, or, are missionaries. There is no dissenting religious view in my mom's family. My mom still holds onto her Christian beliefs and conservative political perspectives, but is not as vocal about her beliefs as the rest of her family is.
My dad's side of the family is catholic in name only, but for all intensive purposes are atheist and very politically liberal. My father is as staunch an atheist as my mother is a Christian. His grandfather was a German general who defected to the US before World War 1, and like any typical German army officer, that man was a strict authoritarian in all aspects of life. This authoritarian attitude was passed down to his son, my grandfather John who then subsequently passed on his anger and abuse onto my dad and his siblings.
It might seem unlikely that my mom coming from background of piety and religiosity would ever consider marrying someone who would express so much disdain for her primary core belief, but that's before you get to know my dad. He preyed upon her and conned her. While dating he seemed interested in going to church and Christianity and even switched his political parties to make it seem like he was conservative. According to my mom his personality changed drastically immediately after they were married and he let down the empathetic facade in place for his families authoritative demeanor. With in 6 or 7 years of marrying my mom he began to express his more sincere ideological perspectives by switching back to his former political party and becoming extremely vocal in his disdain for church, God, Christianity, et al.
Those circumstances set the stage for a very colorful family dynamic.
My mom and her side of the family are staunch fundamentalist conservative Christians. Her father was a pastor and then later a professor at Biola college, her mother a school secretary for a Christian high school, her sister married a pastor, one of her 2 brothers is the organist for a mega church, and 3 out of 5 of her aunts and uncles (my great aunts and uncles on my mom's side) were, or, are missionaries. There is no dissenting religious view in my mom's family. My mom still holds onto her Christian beliefs and conservative political perspectives, but is not as vocal about her beliefs as the rest of her family is.
My dad's side of the family is catholic in name only, but for all intensive purposes are atheist and very politically liberal. My father is as staunch an atheist as my mother is a Christian. His grandfather was a German general who defected to the US before World War 1, and like any typical German army officer, that man was a strict authoritarian in all aspects of life. This authoritarian attitude was passed down to his son, my grandfather John who then subsequently passed on his anger and abuse onto my dad and his siblings.
It might seem unlikely that my mom coming from background of piety and religiosity would ever consider marrying someone who would express so much disdain for her primary core belief, but that's before you get to know my dad. He preyed upon her and conned her. While dating he seemed interested in going to church and Christianity and even switched his political parties to make it seem like he was conservative. According to my mom his personality changed drastically immediately after they were married and he let down the empathetic facade in place for his families authoritative demeanor. With in 6 or 7 years of marrying my mom he began to express his more sincere ideological perspectives by switching back to his former political party and becoming extremely vocal in his disdain for church, God, Christianity, et al.
Those circumstances set the stage for a very colorful family dynamic.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Beginning
I'm writing this blog in response to conversations with friends about their religious perspectives, and various books and resources regarding religion and theology. Many of the posts will be in direct response to conversations and postulates my friends and author's have raised, but the purpose of this blog is nonetheless for me and a search for a better understanding of humanity and the universe.
I haven't decided how open I'll make this blog; it could be just a personal journal I use like Dougie Houser did at the end of his episodes. More likely I'll probably let people in to read and comment on my posts so i can learn from them and talk back.
I haven't decided how open I'll make this blog; it could be just a personal journal I use like Dougie Houser did at the end of his episodes. More likely I'll probably let people in to read and comment on my posts so i can learn from them and talk back.
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